mid-life crisis

I think I finally understand the term "mid-life crisis." I've heard that phrase tossed around for years and always associated it with old men suddenly buying convertible sports cars, trying to wear hip, young clothes, chasing their secretaries and such. It seemed like something you would joke about and it really didn't make much sense to me. What were they trying to prove?

I get it now. I mean, I really, totally get it.

When you're younger, it seems that every possibility is open to you. There really isn't much that you can't do if you pursue it. Then you wake up one day and realize, some of those doors of opportunity are closing. Life is far, far from over, but it begins to become obvious that the things you could've done aren't going to happen now.

I've never given much thought to a bucket list. (You know, the things you want to do before you die.) I'm not sure what I would put on it. But I still have this feeling like there's so much more that I want to do, even if I don't know what it is yet.

I think I would like to travel some; I want a camper. I want to drive across the country. (Actually, I want to ride across the country while Ronnie drives. :) I'd like to hone my skills to be really, really good at something. I don't know what, but something. I want to be healthier. I want to see my kids grown and taken care of. I'd like to act in a play and make everybody cry with my spot-on dramatic performance. I want to star in the lead role of a musical. (now, everybody don't say "Mame" at once!)

I also want to enjoy the things that growing older has done for me. I have a much truer sense of who I am and what matters; and what never will. I'm much more peaceful, settled, and okay with myself. Teenagers and twenty-somethings can keep their angst, I'm done with it!

One thing on the list would be to grow old gracefully; only, I don't think I could ever do it quietly. I don't do anything quietly.