sniff

This is something that Mary Margaret wrote a few weeks ago in response to an assignment. I thought I'd share it here. They are paying attention, even when we think they're not.

"Hannah, my childhood friend, is getting married in two weeks. She’s the first of my childhood friends to get married. That got me thinking about a series I read a couple of years ago, and in that series the girl had a list of things she was looking for in a guy. Then that got me thinking, “what am I looking for in a guy?”

The first thing that I thought of was, a sense of humor. Someone silly, goofy, crazy, and everything but sarcastic. The next thing on the list was, sweet; somebody who is loyal, kind, polite, and to whom family is one of the top priorities. Next is, hardworking. Someone faithful to finish what he’s doing, (Whether he likes it or not.) Someone who always thinks of who and what he’s doing it for. The next thing is romantic, some who will open every door for me and get me flowers for every occasion. The last thing on my list is something I couldn’t find a word for, and that is he has to have a good relationship with God.

When I was thinking up my list of what I was looking for, I noticed something. I was describing my Daddy. He’s funny, sweet, hardworking, romantic, and he has a good relationship with God.

Now, some of these things on my list might change when I actually start dating. But if any guys think they might be “the one”, you’ve got some big shoes to fill."

reinvention

I never thought I would need to reinvent myself. I shouldn't be surprised. People have to do it all the time, I have just never given it much thought until now.

As a young woman, I had a goal; I wanted to be a part of the music business. It was a dream come true to find that I could actually go to college and major in something like that. I graduated from Belmont and had several jobs in the music industry. Goal achieved; I was happy.

I took a brief hiatus and worked at a church office, while beginning to take classes again to explore a new career.

Enter a young man, a ring, and the goals changed. I was still happy. Happy to be by his side, happy to support his goals while achieving my own goals of being wife and mother.

I've spent nearly 20 years being the harried, homeschool mom and that journey is winding down, too. I feel restless. It's time for me to do something else but I have no idea what that should be.

I have been passionate about every goal that I have had. That is the part that is missing. Passion. I have no direction, no clue about what I want to do.

Am I too old to start over? People would say, "No, of course not," but really, am I?

a word to the wise

I am a good friend to have. Really, I am.

I will work hard for my friends, family and the groups that I join.

I don't always have to be appreciated for every little thing I do, but there comes a point when my help is so obviously either not good enough, or not wanted.

It is at that point that I withdraw my participation. I am older. I am tired. I do not have the physical or emotional energy required to fight to be included, so I will disappear. I have never intentionally caused harm to anyone, even those that have hurt me; I simply go away. Those left without me, may not ever know what they missed by not having me around, but miss out they will.

I am creative, resourceful, trustworthy, loyal, and a hard worker. I am a multi-tasking, planning, brilliant machine. If you don't need a friend like that, I will move on.

purse confessions

I got a new purse.

Not necessarily earth shattering news, I know, but it gave me reason to be introspective as I sort and transfer my belongings from the old purse to the new one.

A friend recently blogged about a woman's connection to her bag, so I won't do that here. I'm more fascinated by what my contents may reveal about me. I've been on that theme lately. I've arranged the contents into groups.

So let's see;
as iTunes would say, there are the basics;
wallet, keys, phone, hand lotion,

the next step;
full set of makeup: face, eyes, tweezers, mirror, 4 lip products,
tissues, about 15 pens, pencils, sharpies, notepad,

the deeper cuts;
first aid kit, eye drops, ibuprofen, tums, beano,

and miscellanea;
a stack of business cards promoting about 4 different theatre productions,
a paintbrush? 2 flashlights, a pink pocketknife, a tiny can of Lysol spray,
3 kinds of hand sanitizer, 4 kinds of breath mints and mini toothbrush,
4 pairs of sunglasses, 2 hand-me-down ipods, and a kindle fire.

You'd think there would be various and sundry receipts also, but no, I actually cull them out pretty regularly.

So, what does this list say?
Gone are the days of traveling light. This purse is heavy. I try to be prepared; overly prepared.
There was no hairbrush, so I either don't care what my hair looks like or I have given up. I may not care about my hair, but you won't catch me without mascara and eyeliner. I will admit my addiction to lip balms. I am never without them. It appears that I am twice as afraid of the sunlight as I am of the dark. I'm petrified of having bad breath. Ditto for germs. I am quite attached to my electronics. The medical section gives away my age.

Another confession; I carry another bag that stays in the car with more extras. Things that I have "just in case." That's the autism mom part. I have ear plugs and Mark's anti-nausea wrist bands and car chargers,  a garmin, wipes of various kinds, duplicates of the things listed above. I'm just thankful that I don't have to carry all that on my person at all times anymore, just close at hand. I need to add some duct tape to this bag. Everyone knows that you can survive a zombie apocalypse with gummy worms and duct tape.

You can analyze and come up with your own summation, but mine is this - the world (or whatever) has been unkind to me and somehow by being prepared I think I can one-up or outsmart it; protect myself and those around me. It's an illusion, I know. Trying to outsmart the universe is exhausting when all you have is a purse.